Written by my older, wiser brother. Thanks Mike.
My father is in his mid-eighties, and remains in generally good health and high spirits. But inevitably, it would seem, it is starting to appear that he is running out of steam. This was punctuated recently when he sent me a note describing how he’d been thinking seriously about the time when he would take his final journey, and that he wanted to share with me his thoughts about what he calls, as a deeply spiritual man, that great occurrence. He reflected on the longstanding and loving relationship that we share, and that he didn’t want such thoughts to sadden me. He remarked that he is happy, has no regrets, and is excited about the journey that awaits him. And true to his caring and selfless nature, he emphasized that his goal was to complete as much of the necessary planning as he could beforehand, so that the family would not be burdened with it during a time of mourning.
He expressed to me his wishes regarding the memorial service. The details were simple, and his loving thoughts about the occasion and its significance to family and friends were tenderly bittersweet. He wants me to be the family spokesman and, along with one or two of his six grandsons, say a few words of remembrance reflective of the humor and faith that are fundamental to his life. He provided a list of his favorite gospel hymns to be sung – I know most of them by heart – and noted that he’d already coordinated with the ministers who would officiate.
He has always been organized, something I apparently didn’t inherit, and carefully tends to the details of pending events. Every year, he sends to my sister and me an itemized list of his modest financial interests, detailing the locations and contacts associated with each asset, just so we’ll know what to do when necessary. His will and trust are current, and he has made provisions to ensure that any obligation that outlives him is satisfied, and that his church and beloved charities are included. He has already purchased burial plots in the veterans section of the local cemetery, something that annoyed me at first, but on reflection I understand is completely in keeping with his need to plan. Only the personalization of the headstone remains to be completed, when the time is at hand. And although my heart breaks to think of his passing from this world, I understand that putting such practical organization around this sad and imminent occasion comes from a loving and unselfish place in his heart.
Reflecting on my father’s wishes, I better understand the need to cherish every moment with those we love, because the transition from this life to whatever lies beyond is a certainty for each of us. I believe that it is a good and noble thing to be prepared for the end of life; to have our personal and financial affairs in order so that when the time inescapably comes, our loved ones will be spared the business of death, and allowed to focus on grieving, healing, and fond remembrance.
