The what if’s wandering of a worry wart.
I’m a big believer is being prepared. I may even be living on the edge of neurotic list making and uncontrollable organizing. True I can get a lot accomplished and I have been known to derive great joy from marking “it” off of my list. Whatever “it“ is will not be nearly as important at the act of marking a line through it. Sometimes, on a particularly difficult day, I would add an already completed task to the list just for the pleasure of marking that line through it. When facing difficulty I cope by organizing my world and attempting control of it. This can be useful. From the smallest details to the big decisions all will get put on the to-do list. Nothing is left to memory or chance. I am in control--Except when I’m not. I will go down the worst case scenario path, follow it to the end and think of how I will be able to live with that--Except when I can’t. With the problems and fears of life approaching I choose to live my life in a glass half full world--Except when I don’t.
Some days I loose the list, I’m too overwhelmed to organize and too tired to lift a glass, even a half full one. I begin to worry and to wander, to wander aimlessly through life, usually away from God. To wander is to move about without definite destination or purpose. It takes you nowhere but gets you tired, lost and frightened. That fear can be paralyzing. I am not in control, I can’t begin to anticipate and prepare for all possible scenarios so I worry and I “what if.” I have now wandered far away from where God wants me. This is a dark and lonely forest of overwhelming possibilities. It is most frightening at night. The faux life I have wandered through during the day has served as a distraction. But at night, when it is quiet and dark the worry wart takes over.
This is the time for prayer. Recognize when fear is taking control. Identify the moment you are falling down that rabbit hole of what-ifs and try to pull yourself out of it. Too often, we try to strategize for what might happen, but there are too many variables to always be prepared. This can be wasted energy. Instead, learn to control thoughts and not allow yourself to go down the “worry path.” As you lay in bed and your brain begins to wander, try to pull your focus back to the positive. Name 10 things for which you are grateful and thank God for each of them. This exercise is a wonderful way to get to sleep and feel better about life during a time of great uncertainty.
I must accept that my knowledge is limited. Then trust in God for help to make the best decision when life throws me a curve ball. I do not have control over many events in my life. I do not control the people around me. I cannot control the cards I am dealt, just how I will play the hand. And I will play it with prayer.
