Sitting in restaurant with a friend we were discussing the upcoming wedding of my oldest son. I had never had a son get married and was asking my friend for her thoughts on the wedding, my dress, the rehearsal dinner and so on. When the woman at the table next to us, a total stranger, turned to us and said "Excuse me, I couldn't help but overhear, I am a wedding planner and we have some set advice for the mother of the groom." This was perfect, I was going to get professional help, of course I wanted to hear. She smiled and said "Show up, shut up and wear beige." We all got a big laugh at that and I thanked her for her expertise! But, of course, there is often more truth in funny advice than we first see. It turned out to be some of the best advice I received.
Show up: Be there, participate, support and encourage. We all want to feel important and to be the center of attention. I can do that for my daughter-in-law. Show up to be her biggest fan. Show up to watch or help or cheer, whatever she needs. Show her how valuable she is to me and to the family. Show up to the wedding (of course) and show up in her life.
Shut up: Keep my opinion to myself. My opinions about the wedding or the jobs or the house. If my adult children want my opinion they will ask me. And the truth is they don't ask very often. It can feel a bit left out, unwanted or not needed when they move on and leave you behind. But if we did our job as parents very well at all that is what should happen. They are intelligent, creative and hardworking. They will do much better with their lives than I did with mine I'm sure. Forcing my opinion on them doesn't make them listen to me, it pushes them away. So, keep quiet. When they do ask what I think, it is a very sweet conversation. But they don't need my advice, they are doing quite well on their own.
Wear beige: Blend in, step back, let her shine. Of course at the wedding this is the bride's moment. She should be the bright spot, nothing and no one should take away from her. Then comes her mom, the brides maids, the groom, etc. So many people need the wedding day to be special, it is a good time to exercise humility and thoughtfulness. Let others have the day. But don't stop there, let her shine in life and shine in the family. As women we can be very territorial. With our sons, with holidays, in the kitchen, with grandchildren, with our “rank” in the family. Learn to wear beige. Blend in, step back, give ground and support her efforts. Ask God for that "gentle and quiet spirit which is of great worth in His site." (I Peter 3:4)
So in the end the funny wedding planner at the other table gave me the advice I needed. I literally wore beige! How am I doing with the rest of it? You'd have to ask my daughters-in-law, for I have 2 now. Two marvelous Christian women who deserve my support and don't need my help. But they will always have my love and through the years I hope to be there, keep quiet and watch them blossom.
