Lilies

I am in awe of the creations of God. Today the flowers were bright and bold. The sun was high in the summer sky giving warmth (maybe an understatement) and energy to the earth. There was a slight breeze it smelled fresh and green. I am assuming you know what green smells like, fresh cut grass on a warm summer afternoon or under a shade tree smell. The birds were busy making beautiful sounds. Even the sound of water splashing in the fountain was soothing. Outside today it was easy to believe there was a God. A God in control of this world and the next. He is powerful and majestic. But also he is creative, full of color and variety. This God is HUGE but he pays attention to the smallest detail. You can see the creator in the tiny ants as they carry their "young" to safety when you disturb their log home. Today, I am sure of my trust in God. Why do I grow scared or weary? I loose my way so easily. I worry about tomorrow and I regret yesterday. Same useless emotion frontward and backward. Or I look out at others feeling left out or cheated. REALLY? God is in control, he is powerful and majestic, creative and he pays attention to the smallest detail. Me.
"Consider how the lilies of the field grow; they do not work or sew, yet I say to you that not even King Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these." Matt. 6:29
Oh, I am very thankful.

The Math of Growing Older

If you are less than 10 years old you think about aging in fractions, 4 1/2 years old, 6 3/4 almost 7! Next you look forward to age, you are "GOING" to be 16 and soon! Then the best day is when you BECOME 21. Yes!! But something happens, you TURN 30, you're PUSHING 40, you REACH 50, and MAKE IT to 60. Just when it sounds like you have slowed down and ran out of steam you HIT 70! and GET INTO your 80's! And finally it all starts backward you are JUST 90 years old when the fractions come back and you are 100 & 1/2 years young. Maybe both the 4 year old and the 100 year old understand the value of time best. Each moment counts.

Little blond boy

Walking through the grocery store my husband was looking at this adorable little boy. He was in the shopping cart had a big round sweet face with feathery blond hair. He reminded me of our boys when they were small. His dad and mom were near by grocery shopping unaware of the memories and emotions the sight brought to me. My husband said "Now there's the life" While I didn't want to go back (I love my adult kids and the lives they are making for themselves.) I could see the sweetness in the scene, very heartwarming. Looking toward my husband he said "Going to the store in shorts and no shoes, being pushed around the store while eating a cracker and no one cares. Now there's the life. I wish I could get away with that." Bubble popped, I said "Give it a few years."

Sports & Stress

I have heard Sports does not build character as much as it exposes it. Apparently the same is true of stress. The hail storm punched holes in the roof of my office building causing drips and leaks all over the floor where I work. It looked like an obstacle course of trash cans going down the hall. Then 2 weeks later a monsoon hit and finished off the job. The roof gave way and the ceiling in most of the offices collapsed. Fortunately the damaged was done on the weekend, no one hurt but seems as though a lot are injured... Yep most of our stuff was drenched, we had to move out, the smell of wet-moldy carpet is nauseating, computers ruined, figuring out how to work with out your notes, your computer or your phone is more than challenging. Now we are in "temporary" office space for 4 months, little cubicles with little personal space. Stress is high, very high and as you might guess there is character being exposed. Those who griped before now have real complaints and an audience. The solutions offered are never satisfying, soon enough or sensible for them. Those who gripe take out their frustrations on those who try. Then there are the by-standers, the audience. They do nothing, don't gripe, don't help, not causing problems and not offering anything productive. But then - the shining stars. They come in early, stay late, offer to help others, look for the best solution or at least a plan B. They even listen to the gripes and allow others to vent. People are more important to them than stuff. Ideas are welcome and attitudes calm, even positive. This too shall pass, but it is a good time to look around and see who sinks and see who shines.

Pretty on the Inside

As a little girl I had a mirror in my home. Most do, but mine was my dad. I guess all Dads think their little girls are pretty. Mine was no exception---I think. I don't doubt my dad was and is very proud of me, but for reasons having nothing to do with my physical looks. I was raised in a family that valued your contribution, your efforts, your attitude and your results. My family valued Godliness over attractiveness. What a blessing.
The pressure from the world to be beautiful, sexy and attractive is enormous. Provocative looks and actions are no longer questionable but expected. Holy women of God are considered backward and ignorant. As women, we are allowing ourselves to be defined as so much less than what we were created for. Beautiful women, women who have a kind and gentle heart, do not need more make-up or fewer clothes to be attractive. Godly women get more lovely with years, they will have that beauty that simply doesn't fade. Cultivating a Godly spirit is the best beauty treatment there is. Having your speech pure and your actions holy will make you more beautiful than you can possibly imagine. You can have confidence and security in your appearance that comes from God's word, that you will never get from a magazine. This confidence won’t change with the season or fade with the years. This is true beauty.
How did I get all of this from my dad? Simple, I was raised with a standard repeated over and over in our home when I was growing up. "Be as pretty on the inside as you are on the outside." Did he think I was pretty on the outside? Probably. But what he valued was me. He complimented my work, my compassion and continually encouraged me become the woman God could see in me. The measure for beauty was holiness and gratefulness. When I see myself those are the qualities for which I look. All little girls should have this kind of mirror in their homes.

Write a note....

Years ago I lost our first baby early in the pregnancy. It was a sad, even dark time for me. Looking back maybe even darker and sadder than I realized at the time. We went on to have a wonderful family. A house full of children and all that you'd expect to come with them. But the people who touch my life in that dark time did more for me than they will ever know. They reached out with kindness, sympathy and understanding, they reach out by writing me a note. I learned the enormous value of a small, handwritten caring message. Not grand philosophy or answers to the why and how. They were as simple as "I'm sorry." The notes came that week, some the next week, some the next month and even some continued for months. I would save them and read them when I needed a friend. I read them when I needed to cry and cleanse my mind. Reading some them over and over. I kept them like a treasure of strength from which I could draw. Never were they intrusive or inconvenient like a visit or call might be. When I read these notes I was not alone, someone knew I was hurting and they cared. I doubt the writers of these notes had any idea what an impact they had on the life of a young wife and would be mother. And 27 years later I continue to live out the lesson they taught me. I sent notes. Whenever someone is hurting I write a very simple often short "I'm so sorry, you are in my thoughts" sort of message and mail it to them. And I continue to send them, for months. On the one year anniversary of their loss I sent a note. I know the pain comes back and I want them to know I have not forgotten their grief and they are not alone. I want to give someone that treasure of strength that was given to me when I needed it most. For these little notes I will always be thankful.

Mother-in-law

Sitting in restaurant with a friend we were discussing the upcoming wedding of my oldest son. I had never had a son get married and was asking my friend for her thoughts on the wedding, my dress, the rehearsal dinner and so on. When the woman at the table next to us, a total stranger, turned to us and said "Excuse me, I couldn't help but overhear, I am a wedding planner and we have some set advice for the mother of the groom." This was perfect, I was going to get professional help, of course I wanted to hear. She smiled and said "Show up, shut up and wear beige." We all got a big laugh at that and I thanked her for her expertise! But, of course, there is often more truth in funny advice than we first see. It turned out to be some of the best advice I received.
Show up: Be there, participate, support and encourage. We all want to feel important and to be the center of attention. I can do that for my daughter-in-law. Show up to be her biggest fan. Show up to watch or help or cheer, whatever she needs. Show her how valuable she is to me and to the family. Show up to the wedding (of course) and show up in her life.
Shut up: Keep my opinion to myself. My opinions about the wedding or the jobs or the house. If my adult children want my opinion they will ask me. And the truth is they don't ask very often. It can feel a bit left out, unwanted or not needed when they move on and leave you behind. But if we did our job as parents very well at all that is what should happen. They are intelligent, creative and hardworking. They will do much better with their lives than I did with mine I'm sure. Forcing my opinion on them doesn't make them listen to me, it pushes them away. So, keep quiet. When they do ask what I think, it is a very sweet conversation. But they don't need my advice, they are doing quite well on their own.
Wear beige: Blend in, step back, let her shine. Of course at the wedding this is the bride's moment. She should be the bright spot, nothing and no one should take away from her. Then comes her mom, the brides maids, the groom, etc. So many people need the wedding day to be special, it is a good time to exercise humility and thoughtfulness. Let others have the day. But don't stop there, let her shine in life and shine in the family. As women we can be very territorial. With our sons, with holidays, in the kitchen, with grandchildren, with our “rank” in the family. Learn to wear beige. Blend in, step back, give ground and support her efforts. Ask God for that "gentle and quiet spirit which is of great worth in His site." (I Peter 3:4)
So in the end the funny wedding planner at the other table gave me the advice I needed. I literally wore beige! How am I doing with the rest of it? You'd have to ask my daughters-in-law, for I have 2 now. Two marvelous Christian women who deserve my support and don't need my help. But they will always have my love and through the years I hope to be there, keep quiet and watch them blossom.

Wedding #2

Old friends

It is hard to over state or over estimate the power, love, encouragement and comfort of old friends. Yep, OLD friends, long time friends, stood the test of time, through thick and thin, laugh and cry friends. Some met in college, worked together, played together, were in our weddings together, raised children together, together we have married off our children, welcomed grandchildren and said good bye to parents together. This doesn't mean we have always lived near each other, but we have felt near to each other. You can pick up the phone and pick up the conversation right where you left off even if it has been months since the last call. Not perfect, but certainly accepting. As years pile on top of years the love and acceptance grows and diminishes our differences. How comforting, to know someone's got your back.

Not my fault.

Have you ever noticed that a speeding ticket is never really your fault? There are always extenuating circumstances - in a hurry, didn't see, didn't know, unfamiliar surroundings.... There are really good reasons the officer should understand why this time really is a mistake and should be overlooked. (Yes you may infer from this what should seem obvious.) Have you ever gotten a ticket and thought to yourself, "Yep, I'm glad he stopped me. The world is a better place, I have learned a valuable lesson today." Can't say I have had that attitude. Shouldn't the officer be out there stopping real criminals? Of course if the bar is set high enough, the net cast wide enough I'll get caught in it now and then. I'll be more cautious, more careful, those "real criminals" will get caught in the same net and you my friends will be safer - from both of us. I guess I am thankful for the ticket. Maybe.

Question.

I question myself a lot. Am I doing the right thing, did I say the right thing? Am I trying hard enough, praying long enough? Was there something I should have, could have done or done better? Or just what will I fix for dinner? Does this match? Why did I eat that? Right now I am questioning why I am starting a blog. I read blogs. Mostly I read blogs by young women. Smart, funny, inspirational, beautiful young women. So what has possessed me to blog. Not sure. Is this a way to connect, or just feel connected. Talk things out with myself. A kind of self therapy. Maybe. Do I have something to say? Always. Do I have something to contribute? Doubtful. A kind of public diary. That sounds odd. I think maybe it is a way of reaching for something. Human contact, belonging and understanding. Trying to know we are not in this alone. Maybe in end, it will be like shouting into a cave and the contact I get is the echo of my own voice coming back to me. Helloooooooo.