Look closer Nurses

What do you see, people, what do you see?

What are you thinking, when you look at me

A crabby old woman, not very wise. 

Uncertain of habit, with far-away eyes,

Who dribbles her food and makes no reply.

When you say in a loud voice "I do wish you'd try!

Who seems not to notice the things that you do. 

And forever is losing a stocking or shoe.

Who, unresisting or not; lets you do as you will. 

With bathing and feeding, the long day to fill.

Is that what you're thinking, is that what you see?

Then open your eyes, you're not looking at me.

I'll tell you who I am as I sit here so still!

As I rise at your bidding, as I eat at your will.

I'm a small child of 10 with a father and mother,

Brothers and sisters, who loved one another.

A young girl of 16 with wings on her feet,

Dreaming that soon now a lover she'll meet.

A bride soon at 20 – my heart gives a leap,

Remembering the vows that I promised to keep.

At 25 now I have young of my own

Who need me to build a secure happy home.

A woman of 30, my young now grow fast,

Bound to each other with ties that should last.

At 40, my young sons have grown and are gone,

But my man's beside me to see I don't mourn.

At 50 once more babies play around my knee,

Again we know children, my loved one and me.

Dark days are upon me, my husband is dead,

I look at the future, I shudder with dread.

For my young are all rearing young of their own.

And I think of the years and the love that I've known.

I'm an old woman now and nature is cruel,

'Tis her jest to make old age look like a fool.

The body is crumbled, grace and vigor depart,

There is now a stone where I once had a heart.

But inside this old carcass, a young girl still dwells,

And now and again my battered heart swells.

I remember the joy, I remember the pain,

And I'm loving and living life over again.

I think of the years all too few – gone too fast,

And accept the stark fact that nothing can last.

So open your eyes, people, open and see,

Not a crabby old woman, LOOK CLOSER, SEE ME.

– Anonymous

My Father's Wishes

Written by my older, wiser brother. Thanks Mike. 

My father is in his mid-eighties, and remains in generally good health and high spirits. But inevitably, it would seem, it is starting to appear that he is running out of steam. This was punctuated recently when he sent me a note describing how he’d been thinking seriously about the time when he would take his final journey, and that he wanted to share with me his thoughts about what he calls, as a deeply spiritual man, that great occurrence. He reflected on the longstanding and loving relationship that we share, and that he didn’t want such thoughts to sadden me. He remarked that he is happy, has no regrets, and is excited about the journey that awaits him. And true to his caring and selfless nature, he emphasized that his goal was to complete as much of the necessary planning as he could beforehand, so that the family would not be burdened with it during a time of mourning.

He expressed to me his wishes regarding the memorial service. The details were simple, and his loving thoughts about the occasion and its significance to family and friends were tenderly bittersweet. He wants me to be the family spokesman and, along with one or two of his six grandsons, say a few words of remembrance reflective of the humor and faith that are fundamental to his life. He provided a list of his favorite gospel hymns to be sung – I know most of them by heart – and noted that he’d already coordinated with the ministers who would officiate.

He has always been organized, something I apparently didn’t inherit, and carefully tends to the details of pending events. Every year, he sends to my sister and me an itemized list of his modest financial interests, detailing the locations and contacts associated with each asset, just so we’ll know what to do when necessary. His will and trust are current, and he has made provisions to ensure that any obligation that outlives him is satisfied, and that his church and beloved charities are included. He has already purchased burial plots in the veterans section of the local cemetery, something that annoyed me at first, but on reflection I understand is completely in keeping with his need to plan. Only the personalization of the headstone remains to be completed, when the time is at hand. And although my heart breaks to think of his passing from this world, I understand that putting such practical organization around this sad and imminent occasion comes from a loving and unselfish place in his heart.

Reflecting on my father’s wishes, I better understand the need to cherish every moment with those we love, because the transition from this life to whatever lies beyond is a certainty for each of us. I believe that it is a good and noble thing to be prepared for the end of life; to have our personal and financial affairs in order so that when the time inescapably comes, our loved ones will be spared the business of death, and allowed to focus on grieving, healing, and fond remembrance.

You are the boulder

    Like a comet pulled from orbit as it passes a sun, like a stream that meets a boulder, half way through the wood…because I knew you – I have been changed for good. These words are in the song “For Good” from the Broadway musical Wicked. Usually we hear them and ponder how others have changed our lives, how we have been effected. Because our perspective us usually about us. Self-centered, self-absorbed, not necessarily selfish but self-oriented. We first see things from our eyes looking out. Turn the glasses around and see how you affect others. Consider that YOU are the sun pulling at the orbit of a passing comet. You are the boulder that changes the course of a stream. 

You change the lives of those around you. Sometimes for better sometimes for worse, you change people. A kind word, a friendly face, you make the difference between despair and hope to someone. Someone you may not even know. You lift people up and carry them through difficult times, or give them that much needed push to keep them swinging a little bit longer. You may intentionally help or unknowingly encourage or accidentally hinder. You are never neutral or benign. Just like all beings have a gravitational pull. You have influence and you affect those around you. Because I knew you I have been changed. It is not a question of do you? It is a question of what are you doing?
     “Prepare the way of the Lord, make his path straight, every valley will be filled, every mountain will be made low. The crooked will become straight, the rough made smooth. Everyone will see the salvation of God.” (Luke 3:4-6) You may see the same people though out a life time. Over and over people pass by you, family, friends, at the grocery checkout, at work, neighbors, at the drive through, in the doctor’s office. You spend time with others maybe unknowingly. You laugh together, cry and sweat together. Find love, get married, have children, begin and end careers side by side with other people. Someone you have never looked at is the someone you have pushed. Pushed away or pushed forward? Because I knew you, I have been changed. The valley was filled in and the mountain made low. Because I knew you, was the way to salvation easier to see? Is your life and language an obstacle in the path of another’s spiritual walk? Is the mountain to climb harder because of the debris you have piled on someone’s life? Or does your presence make it easier for them to see God? You have smoothed the way for another to reach salvation. Your life has straightened path. Because I knew you, I have been changed, for good.

Listen to Dissent

Are the nay sayers really our point men?

As a team leader your job is to sell the group on an idea and keep selling them.  Then listen really well, let everybody have a voice and let there be dissent.  Figure it out together.  In meetings, discuss an idea with a “devil’s advocate” at your side.   Find out what the dissenter would say.   At first you may get the popular, everyone’s on board, honeymoon phase, love the idea answers.  That only demonstrates a need to listen more carefully. There is always another point of view.  There are questions, hesitations, reservations about every idea even the good ones.  Hearing what should have been done after the fact is of no help.   Invite the opposing ideas.  Listen to the dissenters.  They may intend to tell you why it can’t be done, but if you listen hard, what they are really telling is what you must do to get something done.  They are showing you how to clear the pathway to success and safely reach your goal. 

Flying

Sitting in an ICU watching an 85 year old couple talk, laugh and love.  There is a comfort between them that is visible. So accustom to life together, they now wake, sleep and eat on the same schedule.  There are both  kind words and frustration expressed openly. It is a wonder to watch total honesty between two people, to see complete openness. The conversations we have with ourselves, inside our heads, are expressed aloud between two people. Almost like talking to yourself.  Through the years love for self and love for another can melt together. Over the years, adversity and blessings, being richer and poorer,  experiencing sickness and health can  bind two individuals together  like a welder. You may be able to distinguish where one stops and another starts but they cannot be separated without great difficulty. The two have become one.  One physically, looking alike they talk and move alike. One emotionally, think alike but openly correct and question each other. One spiritually, taking great comfort in a faith nurtured together over the decades.  It may not be possible to understand or appreciate the depth of a life-long marriage from the outside looking in. It cannot be explained, only experienced. Sadly, so few are willing to invest the effort into a life long relationship. Forgiveness, consideration, companionship always benefit the giver as well as the receiver. We are so afraid to be selfless that we never get the chance to see the return on these blessings. We can't cling to the cliff and fly at the same time.  Jump. Jump into marriage with total abandonment  of self interests. Cling to each other instead of the cliff.  Sore in the good times, hold on through the bad. Don't be afraid to give in to another's wishes. Don't be afraid to change. Marriage take courage. Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their efforts. For if either falls, his companion can lift him up. (Ecclesiastes 4:9)
Sitting in an ICU, watching a 85 year old couple after 68 years of marriage. Life has aged the outer shells. The minds and the bodies are slower. I know this is not a permanent home for them. But I am watching them fly, together. 

Love

I admire the wisdom of Pooh. 

The question is...

I know what you are thinking.  Is the glass half full or is the glass half empty. But I read a third question this week.   How heavy is the glass of water?  You may guess or you may be the kind who goes and gets a glass and weighs it.  Then again you may be a smart one and already have an idea of the weight of the glass and the water.   But the answer is-- it doesn't matter, it all depends on how long you have to hold it.   If you hold it out for a few minutes it weighs very little.  If you a hold it out for an hour or more your arm might ache.  If I ask you to hold it straight out for a day your are likely to tire, cramp, get numb or drop it.  The weight  didn't change, but the longer you hold it the heavier it feels. 
Now, think about your stresses, your worries or concerns. And think about your blessings and obligations. If your life is half empty with heart ache or your life is half full with service you still constantly carry the weight around.  The longer you carry it the heavier it gets.  You begin to tire, feel numb and  things begin to slip. The weight of the problems may vary, but holding on to them and never putting them down will eventually defeat you.  It is important to let go of stress and worries. Put them down if just for a time.  Cast all your cares on God because he cares for you.  Jesus said "my load is not hard to carry."  I have thought it would be irresponsible to put down my worries.  After all I want to do my part, "pull my weight" and contribute.  How could I just put them down and walk away?  But what occurred to me this week is we all need rest and respite.   Respite is "a delay or cessation for a time."  You can put them down, walk away and breath and rest for a time.  It is ok.  You will still be responsible, you can come back and pick up where you left off.  Just give your self a break.  God does.  God wants us to stay with him for the long haul, actually for eternity.  So pace yourself and put it down.  Whatever "it" is.   You see if the glass is half  empty with burdens and worries you will tire and become discouraged.  If the glass is half full of service, blessing and responsibility, you will tire and burn out.  Either way, it becomes too heavy to bear.  God is right there to carry it for you.  Give it to him in prayer, place it in his hands.  He doesn't get tired.   And you can share it with your brethren.  Confess your sins to one another and pray for each other, that you may be healed.  Confession opens the door to our dark places and lets the light of prayer in.  Let go of your burdens, if just for a little while and hold on to friends and family.  You can always go back and pick up where you left off and you will find the burden is not quite so heavy as you remembered.