Look closer Nurses

What do you see, people, what do you see?

What are you thinking, when you look at me

A crabby old woman, not very wise. 

Uncertain of habit, with far-away eyes,

Who dribbles her food and makes no reply.

When you say in a loud voice "I do wish you'd try!

Who seems not to notice the things that you do. 

And forever is losing a stocking or shoe.

Who, unresisting or not; lets you do as you will. 

With bathing and feeding, the long day to fill.

Is that what you're thinking, is that what you see?

Then open your eyes, you're not looking at me.

I'll tell you who I am as I sit here so still!

As I rise at your bidding, as I eat at your will.

I'm a small child of 10 with a father and mother,

Brothers and sisters, who loved one another.

A young girl of 16 with wings on her feet,

Dreaming that soon now a lover she'll meet.

A bride soon at 20 – my heart gives a leap,

Remembering the vows that I promised to keep.

At 25 now I have young of my own

Who need me to build a secure happy home.

A woman of 30, my young now grow fast,

Bound to each other with ties that should last.

At 40, my young sons have grown and are gone,

But my man's beside me to see I don't mourn.

At 50 once more babies play around my knee,

Again we know children, my loved one and me.

Dark days are upon me, my husband is dead,

I look at the future, I shudder with dread.

For my young are all rearing young of their own.

And I think of the years and the love that I've known.

I'm an old woman now and nature is cruel,

'Tis her jest to make old age look like a fool.

The body is crumbled, grace and vigor depart,

There is now a stone where I once had a heart.

But inside this old carcass, a young girl still dwells,

And now and again my battered heart swells.

I remember the joy, I remember the pain,

And I'm loving and living life over again.

I think of the years all too few – gone too fast,

And accept the stark fact that nothing can last.

So open your eyes, people, open and see,

Not a crabby old woman, LOOK CLOSER, SEE ME.

– Anonymous

My Father's Wishes

Written by my older, wiser brother. Thanks Mike. 

My father is in his mid-eighties, and remains in generally good health and high spirits. But inevitably, it would seem, it is starting to appear that he is running out of steam. This was punctuated recently when he sent me a note describing how he’d been thinking seriously about the time when he would take his final journey, and that he wanted to share with me his thoughts about what he calls, as a deeply spiritual man, that great occurrence. He reflected on the longstanding and loving relationship that we share, and that he didn’t want such thoughts to sadden me. He remarked that he is happy, has no regrets, and is excited about the journey that awaits him. And true to his caring and selfless nature, he emphasized that his goal was to complete as much of the necessary planning as he could beforehand, so that the family would not be burdened with it during a time of mourning.

He expressed to me his wishes regarding the memorial service. The details were simple, and his loving thoughts about the occasion and its significance to family and friends were tenderly bittersweet. He wants me to be the family spokesman and, along with one or two of his six grandsons, say a few words of remembrance reflective of the humor and faith that are fundamental to his life. He provided a list of his favorite gospel hymns to be sung – I know most of them by heart – and noted that he’d already coordinated with the ministers who would officiate.

He has always been organized, something I apparently didn’t inherit, and carefully tends to the details of pending events. Every year, he sends to my sister and me an itemized list of his modest financial interests, detailing the locations and contacts associated with each asset, just so we’ll know what to do when necessary. His will and trust are current, and he has made provisions to ensure that any obligation that outlives him is satisfied, and that his church and beloved charities are included. He has already purchased burial plots in the veterans section of the local cemetery, something that annoyed me at first, but on reflection I understand is completely in keeping with his need to plan. Only the personalization of the headstone remains to be completed, when the time is at hand. And although my heart breaks to think of his passing from this world, I understand that putting such practical organization around this sad and imminent occasion comes from a loving and unselfish place in his heart.

Reflecting on my father’s wishes, I better understand the need to cherish every moment with those we love, because the transition from this life to whatever lies beyond is a certainty for each of us. I believe that it is a good and noble thing to be prepared for the end of life; to have our personal and financial affairs in order so that when the time inescapably comes, our loved ones will be spared the business of death, and allowed to focus on grieving, healing, and fond remembrance.

You are the boulder

    Like a comet pulled from orbit as it passes a sun, like a stream that meets a boulder, half way through the wood…because I knew you – I have been changed for good. These words are in the song “For Good” from the Broadway musical Wicked. Usually we hear them and ponder how others have changed our lives, how we have been effected. Because our perspective us usually about us. Self-centered, self-absorbed, not necessarily selfish but self-oriented. We first see things from our eyes looking out. Turn the glasses around and see how you affect others. Consider that YOU are the sun pulling at the orbit of a passing comet. You are the boulder that changes the course of a stream. 

You change the lives of those around you. Sometimes for better sometimes for worse, you change people. A kind word, a friendly face, you make the difference between despair and hope to someone. Someone you may not even know. You lift people up and carry them through difficult times, or give them that much needed push to keep them swinging a little bit longer. You may intentionally help or unknowingly encourage or accidentally hinder. You are never neutral or benign. Just like all beings have a gravitational pull. You have influence and you affect those around you. Because I knew you I have been changed. It is not a question of do you? It is a question of what are you doing?
     “Prepare the way of the Lord, make his path straight, every valley will be filled, every mountain will be made low. The crooked will become straight, the rough made smooth. Everyone will see the salvation of God.” (Luke 3:4-6) You may see the same people though out a life time. Over and over people pass by you, family, friends, at the grocery checkout, at work, neighbors, at the drive through, in the doctor’s office. You spend time with others maybe unknowingly. You laugh together, cry and sweat together. Find love, get married, have children, begin and end careers side by side with other people. Someone you have never looked at is the someone you have pushed. Pushed away or pushed forward? Because I knew you, I have been changed. The valley was filled in and the mountain made low. Because I knew you, was the way to salvation easier to see? Is your life and language an obstacle in the path of another’s spiritual walk? Is the mountain to climb harder because of the debris you have piled on someone’s life? Or does your presence make it easier for them to see God? You have smoothed the way for another to reach salvation. Your life has straightened path. Because I knew you, I have been changed, for good.

Listen to Dissent

Are the nay sayers really our point men?

As a team leader your job is to sell the group on an idea and keep selling them.  Then listen really well, let everybody have a voice and let there be dissent.  Figure it out together.  In meetings, discuss an idea with a “devil’s advocate” at your side.   Find out what the dissenter would say.   At first you may get the popular, everyone’s on board, honeymoon phase, love the idea answers.  That only demonstrates a need to listen more carefully. There is always another point of view.  There are questions, hesitations, reservations about every idea even the good ones.  Hearing what should have been done after the fact is of no help.   Invite the opposing ideas.  Listen to the dissenters.  They may intend to tell you why it can’t be done, but if you listen hard, what they are really telling is what you must do to get something done.  They are showing you how to clear the pathway to success and safely reach your goal. 

Flying

Sitting in an ICU watching an 85 year old couple talk, laugh and love.  There is a comfort between them that is visible. So accustom to life together, they now wake, sleep and eat on the same schedule.  There are both  kind words and frustration expressed openly. It is a wonder to watch total honesty between two people, to see complete openness. The conversations we have with ourselves, inside our heads, are expressed aloud between two people. Almost like talking to yourself.  Through the years love for self and love for another can melt together. Over the years, adversity and blessings, being richer and poorer,  experiencing sickness and health can  bind two individuals together  like a welder. You may be able to distinguish where one stops and another starts but they cannot be separated without great difficulty. The two have become one.  One physically, looking alike they talk and move alike. One emotionally, think alike but openly correct and question each other. One spiritually, taking great comfort in a faith nurtured together over the decades.  It may not be possible to understand or appreciate the depth of a life-long marriage from the outside looking in. It cannot be explained, only experienced. Sadly, so few are willing to invest the effort into a life long relationship. Forgiveness, consideration, companionship always benefit the giver as well as the receiver. We are so afraid to be selfless that we never get the chance to see the return on these blessings. We can't cling to the cliff and fly at the same time.  Jump. Jump into marriage with total abandonment  of self interests. Cling to each other instead of the cliff.  Sore in the good times, hold on through the bad. Don't be afraid to give in to another's wishes. Don't be afraid to change. Marriage take courage. Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their efforts. For if either falls, his companion can lift him up. (Ecclesiastes 4:9)
Sitting in an ICU, watching a 85 year old couple after 68 years of marriage. Life has aged the outer shells. The minds and the bodies are slower. I know this is not a permanent home for them. But I am watching them fly, together. 

Love

I admire the wisdom of Pooh. 

The question is...

I know what you are thinking.  Is the glass half full or is the glass half empty. But I read a third question this week.   How heavy is the glass of water?  You may guess or you may be the kind who goes and gets a glass and weighs it.  Then again you may be a smart one and already have an idea of the weight of the glass and the water.   But the answer is-- it doesn't matter, it all depends on how long you have to hold it.   If you hold it out for a few minutes it weighs very little.  If you a hold it out for an hour or more your arm might ache.  If I ask you to hold it straight out for a day your are likely to tire, cramp, get numb or drop it.  The weight  didn't change, but the longer you hold it the heavier it feels. 
Now, think about your stresses, your worries or concerns. And think about your blessings and obligations. If your life is half empty with heart ache or your life is half full with service you still constantly carry the weight around.  The longer you carry it the heavier it gets.  You begin to tire, feel numb and  things begin to slip. The weight of the problems may vary, but holding on to them and never putting them down will eventually defeat you.  It is important to let go of stress and worries. Put them down if just for a time.  Cast all your cares on God because he cares for you.  Jesus said "my load is not hard to carry."  I have thought it would be irresponsible to put down my worries.  After all I want to do my part, "pull my weight" and contribute.  How could I just put them down and walk away?  But what occurred to me this week is we all need rest and respite.   Respite is "a delay or cessation for a time."  You can put them down, walk away and breath and rest for a time.  It is ok.  You will still be responsible, you can come back and pick up where you left off.  Just give your self a break.  God does.  God wants us to stay with him for the long haul, actually for eternity.  So pace yourself and put it down.  Whatever "it" is.   You see if the glass is half  empty with burdens and worries you will tire and become discouraged.  If the glass is half full of service, blessing and responsibility, you will tire and burn out.  Either way, it becomes too heavy to bear.  God is right there to carry it for you.  Give it to him in prayer, place it in his hands.  He doesn't get tired.   And you can share it with your brethren.  Confess your sins to one another and pray for each other, that you may be healed.  Confession opens the door to our dark places and lets the light of prayer in.  Let go of your burdens, if just for a little while and hold on to friends and family.  You can always go back and pick up where you left off and you will find the burden is not quite so heavy as you remembered. 

we were never meant to be spectators

Talk shows are about spectating.  Comedy, TV,  politics, even dog shows,  dating the bachelor, running the amazing race, being a housewife, weight loss and surviving have all been sold to us as spectator sports.  Selling spectatorhood is pretty simple. It's safe and fun and easy. You hit the remote. You pretend you have power--the power to turn it off, to change the channel, to buy or not to buy. We've seduced the masses with this simple bargain.  You really don’t have to do anything, invest anything, risk anything.  Live vicariously through another while sitting at home safely tucked away pretending you are living.  It fools the mind into thinking there is real life going on when it is closer to a holographic image of life.  A hollow life.

We have even permitted the role of the spectator to move into the work world, into our homes and into our churches. Most people, most of the time, are told to watch not to lead, to follow not to create.  We have been convinced the risk is too great, only the talented, intelligent,  strong and the outstanding will succeed anyway.  We would be better off just watching.  How is it that sitting on the sidelines while cheering or critiquing has become equal to sweating, trying, failing and overcoming?  The spectators foolishly assert that if everyone was a doer, a leader and a shaker, then there'd be no one left in the audience. As if those who do require an audience. The spectator sees his role as necessary because it is too painful to see it as anything less. 

The alternative to being a spectator involves failure, risk and potential pain and humiliation.  It means that you will encounter people who criticize you, people who are eager to point out the stain on your jacket or the flaw in your reasoning.  Spectators in the stands are happy to boo, happy to walk out when the team is struggling in the third period, happy to switch loyalties if the show ceases to delight. The spectator invests little and cares less. The farther away you are from the center of the action the easier it is to criticize.  The more of yourself you pour into the mix the more you will help others along the way and the less you will care about the fickle crowd crying foul.  You will be doing, not watching.  You will care about the process, the people and the outcome. You won’t walk away when it gets hard because this is your life not the image of one. Those that have bravely stood up, stood out and made a difference, can't help but ask, "why would I ever want to be a spectator again?"  You may find that trying and loosing is vastly more rewarding than sitting on the sides. Trying and winning  is exhilarating. 

Falling Down - Changing Course

We planned for months.  I worked extra to have enough time to take off. Then we went to the meetings, packed all we thought we might need and headed to the airport at 4 in the morning.  It is one of our favorite weeks of the year.  It is the week we go on a mission trip to Honduras.  A lot of hard work is planned around cement bricks, shoveling dirt, sand and gravel, hauling buckets and bricks.  It is wonderful.  Staying at Baxter Institute with students from all over the Central America and the Caribbean, is the best. Work and sweat through the day, eat the food at Baxter, sing and pray in the evening then repeat the next day.  You would be amazed at how much a group of 50 or so can get done in 6 days with everyone pitching in and working hard.  You actually feel significant, like you are doing something that matters and you can physically see the results right before your eyes.  I love this week. I had it all planned out. And then I fell down, literally. 

We finishing a clinic and started working at a church site on the side of the mountain.  I slipped coming down the hill and landed none too gracefully on my face. My nose, lips, chin were full of gravel, scratched and bleeding.  My hands, arms, elbow, knees etc bruised and hurting. Yes it was one of my finer moments.  But my friends helped to clean me up and put ice on the rapidly swelling lips. My husband ran to my side.  Everyone was very kind, I was frightful looking.  The rest of the week children would ask what was wrong with my face while adults would  stare at me or apologize for my injury, lovely.  The worst  came the next day when I could not go back to work with the rest of the group. But don't you see, I had it all planned out.  How hard I would work and then come back dirty and tired each night.  Now I could no longer contribute, this was all wrong.  I felt worthless. I tried to take pictures of the rest of the group, post them on line, be the unofficial photographer.  But it did not feel the same. So I felt sorry for myself and more than a little let down by my circumstances.  It just wasn't so posed to work out this way. Thankfully, I was invited to go chapel with the students and having  "nothing better to do,"  I went.  I went in late and sat down on the back row noticing that I'm the only female in the room -- awkward.  I  asked the man next to me if it was OK if I was there, he said yes but I might like to go to the  Ladies Chapel that day (yes I might).  So I made my way to room 4 and slipped in late taking the last chair left open.  Only to find I took the speaker's chair --awkward again.  She said it was OK, she was going to stand in a moment anyway.   She speaks, then a lovely lady offers to translate the lesson for me.  It was about controlling our tongue and our attitude, a wonderful lesson.  She then asked if I would please pray for them in English.  I was so honored to go to God for these dedicated women, I was moved and humbled. We prayed together,  me in English and them in Spanish. Afterward they told me there was a women's Bible study the next day and asked if I could come and give the lesson.  Again the lovely lady would  translate for me.  What a gift they had just given to me. Without knowing, they gave me purpose and direction. They didn't feel sorry for me, they filled a void.  I spent the next morning in study and prayer.  I stayed on campus and had opportunity to visit with more students.

That afternoon  I went with a friend and together with women from Honduras, Bolivia, Nicaragua, Guatemala, Cuba and The Dominican Republic we studied God's word.  I was blessed beyond measure. I thought I had my week planned, I thought I knew how and where I would serve. I almost let self pity and disappointment rob me of the best experience of service. It was there for me, just not where I was looking.

Are we so focused on what we think we are so pose to be about that we miss opportunities passing right in front of us?  Pain, loss, rejection, injury, illness-- keep naming those things that get in the way of our plans. Those things that cause us to fall down.  You can stay down, stay injured and feel sorry for yourself or get up and accept some help.  You are not alone, some one will run to your side.  There is a place you need to be and a job you can do. You just have to be willing to change course.   

Book Covers Sell Books

People say,  Don’t judge a book by its cover?  But people look at book covers and covers sell books. We only have so much time to look at books, and the cover is what gets our attention. In reality we DO judge a book by its cover and the book’s author too.

A book cover makes a promise about what you will find when you open the book.  It tells you a little about the book, a sneak preview.  It is the definition of “first impression.”  And it is meant to be that.  When you walk through a book store, you pick up a book, and look at it. You may browse through it but only if the cover has caught your attention and kept your attention.   When is the last time you looked inside a book after the cover completely turned you off or offended you? Maybe the book is one you will completely enjoy, but the cover must draw you in first. 

Your image works the same.

What people see about you, your first impression, your image is like the book cover to your personal life. Your first impression literally makes a mental image. Your image makes a silent promise about who you are and what people can count on when they get to know you.  Or your image turns people away without giving them the opportunity to get to know the inside of you.  If you profess faith, your cover reflects heavily upon the author of the book as well.  What mental image of you and of God do others get when they first encounter you?  That mental image lasts. Pictures say a thousand words and those  pictures stay around a lot longer than words.  These are not questions of  short hair or long, of style or makeup.  Your personal book cover shows the world your values, your gentleness, your character. Or your cover turns the world off with bitterness, envy and self-promotion. When there’s a question about what to believe, your image might just tip the balance. That’s a powerful reason to be sure that the important ideas of your life are  carried through into all things that people see around you.  Your appearance, your home and office, your entertainment  are all on the cover of your life.  You know a lot about a man by what he laughs at. 

People do judge books by the promise of the cover. Make a promise they will value, keep that promise and they’ll notice it for sure.  When the promise on the cover of the book is not continued throughout the pages we are sorely disappointed.  Sometimes we are angry and disillusioned.  Reading a book with big expectations only to be let down is offensive and the event will be told to others.  No less will the hypocrisy of professing a life of noble character only to be found out as a fraud be offensive and retold to others.  A sinner may be simply ignored but the sinner under a saint’s cover is repulsive and often publicly renounced. 

I love books.  I enjoy walking through book stores and libraries. What do I learn from books today?  Yes, we do judge a book by its cover.  And yes, we have the same expectations of the people we meet.  First impressions can be changed but they last.  We can use that to our advantage if we choose.   Give the world the impression of Christ and we draw people to us.  Deny Him with our actions and we push them away.  Maybe the best news is books are constantly reprinted with new covers.  What you were yesterday is not what you must be today.  You may now  have a new edition of yourself with a bright new cover that tells everyone at first glance who and what you are.  God is a god of second chances.   

March 14 (3.14) is being celebrated as national Pi day.  Math whizzes all over are enjoying the notoriety of having a day focused on the  equation of Pi and the bigger picture the role math plays in our lives.  Truly, how often do geeks get a day?  They deserve this, so in honor of Pi Day-

5 ways Math can improve your life…

Here, the good mathematician, Steven Strogatz, Ph.D, offers up a few lessons about math that won't make your head hurt. In fact, they'll boost your life for the better.

1. Run a Faster 5K
Problem: You can't seem to shave any time off your shorter runs
Math theory: Calculus of variations, Newton's second law
Solution: Conventional wisdom says to save a little energy for a burst of speed at the end of the race, says Strogatz. But mathematicians contend if you have enough energy left for a final spurt of speed, you've failed to reach your optimal velocity--and you're flat-out doing it wrong. The most efficient way to run a race is to think of the race in three parts, according to a study by famous mathematician Joseph B. Keller, Ph.D. During the first few seconds, you should run as fast as possible before leveling off for the second phase. The last few seconds of the race, you should be dragging your butt across the finish line. Basically, if you still have energy left for a final burst of speed, that energy would have been more efficiently used by spreading it out over the duration of the course. (If you're a new runner, read The Weekend Warrior's 5K Plan to cross the finish line strong in just 6 weeks.)

2. Apply Discounts at the Cash Register
Problem: You can't figure out if your should apply the discount before or after tax
Math theory: Commutative law
Solution: It actually doesn't matter, Strogatz says. While you're wracking your brain about the 20-percent-off coupon, you could be high-tailing it out of the store if you'd been paying attention back in the ninth grade. Say the pants you're looking at are $50 with an 8 percent sales tax. The clerk says she'll take 20 percent off after tax, so you get more money back. You counter, asking to take the 20 percent off before, so you pay less in sales tax. So who's wrong? No one. Your way: $50 minus 20 percent reduces the price to $40, multiplied by 8-percent tax for a final price of $43.20. Her way: $50 plus 8-percent tax is $54 minus the 20 percent. That final price? $43.20. In both situations, you're simply switching the order of multiplication, not the numbers themselves. Because of commutative law, it works out the same.

3. Get More Cream Cheese on Your Bagel (Seriously)
Problem: You can't spread enough stuff on your breakfast bagel
Math theory: Mobias strip
Solution: Turns out, you've been putting cream cheese on your bagel the wrong way all along. Think of a Mobias strip as a buckled belt with a single half-twist in it, Strogatz says. It's unique because it's a shape with one continuous surface--essentially the inside is connected to the outside, and vice-versa. George Hart, Ph.D, geometric sculptor and bagel math extraordinaire, found by cutting the bagel into a variation on a Mobias strip--essentially creating two interlocking links--you create more surface area, and thus more room for a delicious spread. This one needed a visual aid…




4. Keep a Tennis Ball in Bounds
Problem: You keep hitting tennis balls out of bounds
Math theory: Vector calculus
Solution: Factor in the vectors. Say you're playing tennis with the boss and the ball is hurtling toward the boundary line, so you take one desperate whack in an attempt to impress the big guy with a running forehand down the inside of the line. But despite your solid hit, the ball bounces out of bounds. That's because you failed to think about the vectors. When you hit the ball, you didn't factor the force your body's velocity would impart on the ball--in addition to the force of the racket. Your new move: Aim the ball across the court in order to compensate.

5. Meet Your Other Half
Problem: You don't know when to settle down with the right girl
Math Theory: e, optimal stopping theory
Solution: You can figure out when you'll meet Mrs. Right by using e (2.71828), an advanced calculus integral that allows you to solve problems involving a lot of randomness and choices, Strogatz says. This requires a little guess work, but, hey, nothing's perfect. Math can't solve all of your problems, after all.

It goes like this: Assume all the women you date would marry you if you asked, and there are no second chances. First, figure out what you consider your "prime" dating years--between ages 20 and 35. Step one: Divide your prime dating years into two sections. Spend the first 7.5 years dating around, establishing what you like and don't like in potential partners. When you hit 7.5 years, assess the women you've dated so far and establish who you felt was the closest to being "the one." She--for lack of a better term--is your #2 dream girl. Then, start to date in a more serious manner. As soon as you find someone who you like more than #2 dream girl, congrats--you've found your soul mate! The logic is that since you've already met your #2 girl, anyone better must be #1--and no one is better than #1. Just hope she isn't also using this logic if you meet her in the first half.

I found all this very interesting but you must realize that I’m a left-handed right brained kinda girl. My decisions are based more on creativity than on calculations, more on feelings than equations.  However, I would like to know if any of these work for you. And if you do find Mr. or Mrs. Right this way please please invite me to the wedding!

Everyone Gets the Same 24 Hours

Everyone gets 24 hours in a day / 7days a week.  Why do some seem to get so much happiness out of that 24? And so much done in that 24?  Is it luck?  Is it consequences?  Observe carefully and you will see there is not a correlation between wealth, health and happiness.  And all hours are not created equal, some hours are definitely better than others. The best news is you get to decide. You don’t need to get a life, you already have one.   Make it count for something.

Make it count – now.

Stop living in future happiness.  Be content, be happy now. It is a sad thing to look back at any time and see moments or see years you have lost to wishful musings.  To see the time lost while waiting.  Waiting for more money, waiting for better health, waiting for the right person or the right opportunity,  time lost waiting for more time!  (One of our more ironic exercises) Be here and now.  Be present in your life and in the lives of others.   Be happy with others.  Forgive them for what they are not and love them for who they are.  Accept your life as is, grasp it and make the most of every opportunity. Live the life you have instead of wishing for the life you want.  This is life stop trying to cure it and start appreciating what you have.   

Make it count –  with encouragement.

Surround yourself with people who truly love you.  People who encourage you, smile at you and laugh with you.  Be with those who can be honest with you if necessary but do not use truth as a weapon.  Love is patient, love is kind, love does not insist in getting its own way, love is not jealous.  Do you know this person?  Spend time with them.  If you don’t know them--find them, they are out there but probably not hanging out in the ‘hot spots’ and probably not  one of the beautiful people.  Beautiful people invest in themselves while loving people invest in others.  People who truly love you will expect something from you, they will expect your love and effort in return.  You see love is not lazy either.

Make it count – without all the baggage. 

Lay down your pain and your anger. It is your right to have them, you may have been injured and truly wronged.   You can use pain and anger as a shield to protect you from future hurt.  But carrying them around makes living harder and less fun.  And soon that shield turns into a shell then it turns into a cage.  It gets heavy and you begin viewing life from behind bars.  Choose to give away the anger and the pain, let go of your right to be hurt.  Accept an apology that was never given because your life will be better for it.

Make it count – pick your battles.

Don’t argue about things that you don’t really care about. Unless there’s some real threat, let the folks who have something to prove, prove what they need to.  Ask yourself  “Is this the hill I want to die upon?”   There are very few issues worth our blood, worth giving up freedom, friendship or precious time and energy for.  When you come to one of those   “do or die” issues then by all means stake your claim on that hill and stand firm.  But for the minor issues in life, the personal opinions and pet peeves,  let others win- let the losers win.  Even let them gloat if it matters so much to them.  Find your peace and move on, you have a life to live.

Make it count – look for the best.

 Most conclusions we jump to are not only wrong, they’re negative. Negative conclusions lead us to prepare a defense. Being on the defensive isn’t living, it’s exhausting.  Often we have arguments inside our heads without giving the other guy a real opportunity to participate.  We are mad before the confrontation ever begins. STOP.  Give the benefit of the doubt, assume the best in others. Jump to forgiveness and love, then figure things out. Let the people you care about come first, and let everyone know that you do. Value and protect the people and the places you love.  The harder you are working the less energy there is left over for resentment.  Invest in what matters.  Invest your money, your time, your sweat into others.  Give more than you ever expect to get. 

Make it count with God.

God is present, God is now.  Jesus is the same yesterday, today and forever because Jesus simply is.  Looking back is depressing, looking ahead causes anxiety.  Hold on to Jesus, live today with Him and for others.  No wishing for a different (aka better) life.  He gave you this life with plans, fulfill them.  God loves you.  He is the ultimate encourager,  He knows you inside and out and loves you completely.  Spend time with God.  Let go of your pain, give it to God.  He will fill the void, help you and heal you.  God gives us the peace and security that allows us to let go.  Let others have the hill and win the argument.  As you learn to look at the battles and at the people through God's eyes, the colors of your world change.  Being right is more important than winning. Being kind is more important than being right.  People matter more than things. Things have value only for how they can be used in service. The choice of what to do with your next hour comes down to this;

          What can I do for God, what can I do for another in the next hour? Answer that and you will have an hour that will count for something.